The purpose of this kind of meeting is to resolve conflict peacefully and to reconcile differences in a cooperative talk-it-out manner rather than the typical defensive adversarial manner. This process is based on the time tested biblical principles that promote a better understanding of the "whole" problem.  It also increases our awareness of personal responsibility that is fair and just to everybody involved which then leads us toward the end goal of true reconciliation.

Each party should prepare a short "Opening Statement" (2 to 3 min.) that briefly describes the problem or dispute from their individual perspective. They also express how they would like to see this situation resolved and what they expect to accomplish during this meeting.

Develop and agree to a list of meeting ground rules. Such as, not allowing coarse blame talk or name calling, etc.

This is a fact-finding discovery session that promotes a broader, clearer understanding of the "whole" problem. Each party gives an uninterrupted factual story of the situation designed to bring forth hidden information to clarify facts and remove assumptions.

4. Problem Identification and Clarification

This is the time to ask questions to identify the main issues that need to be addressed. You may write down pertinent questions during the storytelling time and then you will be given a chance to ask questions that help clarify misinformation and misunderstanding. Harsh blame talking about a person will be discouraged. Talking to a person will be encouraged.

Once the main issues are better understood and the hidden causes are identified, the whole group, in a fast nonjudgmental way, will develop a list of creative solutions. It’s OK to state any and all ideas - even the wild ones that may assist in breakthroughs.

6. Sorting Out and Agreeing to a Workable Solution

Now is the time to choose and discuss which solutions have the best possibility to bringing about true reconciliation. You can use testing guidelines to evacuate ideas. The goal here is to come to a consensus on a long-term workable solution.

Once an agreement has been made and signed off on, (a good workable solution that meets the needs of the bigger picture) it is helpful to develop an appropriate monitoring check system, geared toward identifying any slippage in the agreement. If early warning criteria indicates the appearance of failure, you immediately take steps to get things back on track. In other words, this kind of monitoring is designed to catch a person before things fall backwards.

Coaching Tips that will help the Mediation Process

Typically, everyone holds everyone else responsible for the problems we have.  This attitude statement is one of the root causes why so many conflicts and disagreements get people into deeper trouble.

A good productive mediation session will help individuals to NOT focus on the other person’s responsibility, but too rather focus on their own individual responsibility.  To creatively, come up with helpful ideas to move away from the defensiveness and blame talks which usually leads to more problems.  Think about what changes in self actions that you can make that will help resolve the problem and improve on your personal responsibilities to make things better.

Yes we all make mistakes, but we do have choices. Do not let others or your emotions control what actions are needed to resolve the problem. We really are only responsible for our own actions and not the actions of others. People can only change themselves and cannot change others.

If you desire peace, it is never too late to start doing what’s right. That is: confess errors, apologize for specific actions and miss-judgments, accept the consequences, allow time, don’t blame others for your actions, ask for forgiveness and accept and promise to grant forgiveness.

Portions of this material comes from Ken Sande's book The "Peacemaker"

Peacemaker Ministries
1537 Ave D, Ste #352
Billings, MT 59102-3048
Phone (406) 256-1583